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“Going Dutch” on Dates Makes Sense in 2019

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Every date has it. That awkward moment when the bill is placed squarely down on the table. Sometimes the waiter assumes and places it slightly more within reach of the man but more often than not that leering black folio contains more than a bill for whatever meal was just consumed. It also contains the ever confusing question of who pays the bill. Maybe 40 years ago this answer was simple as gender roles were more defined and there was such a thing as single income households. But nowadays it just leads to this awkward moment in the date, with so much riding on the line in way of expectations for the future, should the man automatically pay for the first date.

In 2019? I think we will see this expectation start to die even more quickly than ever before. Nowadays, “going Dutch”, splitting the bill, is even more of a common trend and not just for first dates. It is a not uncommon for most couples to both pull together to pay for the wedding, not just the bride’s side of the family. Men and women are both primary household breadwinners, long gone are the times when having a single income household was a given. In order to support a family more often than not both parents are working one if not two jobs. Economically it makes sense to split the bill.

Besides saving some money in both parties pockets, splitting bills takes a bit of pressure off of both sides. Men can calm down about trying to set this bar that they are then constantly trying to meet and might not meet again. This is real life, not the movies, and expectations placed on the opposite sex can sometimes be based in things that are nowhere near close to being the real thing. And it also relieves the pressure that dates can place on women. Do we shave or not shave? Is he going to want to kiss or possibly do more? Will he think I am not interested if I say no because he went out of his way to pay for this great date? There is just a lot riding on this first impression, when both parties are awkward and just trying not to sweat through the expensive outfits they had to buy.

From personal experience, and I can say this with utmost confidence, splitting the check on the first date has often made for a more relaxing and fun experience — almost as if two friends reacquainting themselves with each other. Instead of placing the expectations on things like can he afford to take me to Jack’s for the first time (even though he doesn’t even know if you are a Jack’s worthy date) we worried more about having a natural flow of conversation and seeing what kind of people we were.

When you take the importance of the date away from the materialistic things, you are more likely to have a human connection and are able to tell a little quicker if this is worth a second date or not. Because if he says “yea dude” every two seconds, I wouldn’t care if he bought us the chef’s table at N/Naka, there would only be one date. So no ladies, don’t be surprised if he doesn’t automatically pay for the bill. But are you there for that or the man himself?

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