Dear Elizabeth: Advice Column
I think my boyfriend is cheating on me and I don’t know what to do about it. We have been together for about a year and recently he’s been really shady. He doesn’t answer my texts and he always tells me he’s busy when I ask if he want’s to hang out. He’s always been a really friendly guy, so I try not to take it personally when he hangs out with girls, without me, but I’m really starting to question his motives. I don’t want to break up with him before I know for sure, but how can I find out?
-Bad Boyfriend Issues
I think you’re right not to break up with him before knowing for sure if he’s cheating on you. If he has a particularly friendly personality and he has a lot of friends, then perhaps talking to one of them, male or female, would be a good way to find out what he’s always busy doing. I think that the fact that he’s not texting you and always turns down your offer to hang out is a little bit concerning. I don’t know his personality though, so it’s hard to say for sure what he’s up to. Some people close off everyone around them when they are stressed or upset, so you could have nothing to worry about.
I know that he’s been particularly hard to reach, but the next time you do see or talk to him you might want to make sure he doesn’t have anything going on in his life that is making him upset, or stressed, or angry—maybe he just needs some attention? I think that there are ways to find out if he’s cheating, but being paranoid is only going to distort your rational thinking. I always say that a girl will always find out if her boyfriend is cheating, it may be years down the line, but they will always find out somehow, and if he is the type of guy who is going to cheat on you and shut you out after a year of dating, then you don’t need him anyway! I hope you get the chance to talk to him, or someone else about this. Try to remember to remain calm and level headed. Being upset and paranoid will hurt you more than it will hurt him.
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